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Did you know?

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Did you know?

Post by Dave on Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:01 am

In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

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Re: Did you know?

Post by Rastaman on Mon Dec 10, 2012 4:47 am

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:15 am

(No kidding!)

What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies right to our faces.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Iliander on Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:37 am

Dips are the upper body squat. :razz:
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Mon Dec 10, 2012 6:14 am

A hard boiled egg is hard to beat.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:37 pm

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head."
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Cesar on Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:40 pm

Lol...go do more swings!
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Thu Dec 13, 2012 1:07 pm

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store when I heard I could get thinner there.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Cesar on Thu Dec 13, 2012 3:26 pm

Dave.cyco wrote:I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store when I heard I could get thinner there.

:toothy:
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Iliander on Thu Dec 13, 2012 3:27 pm

Dave.cyco wrote:I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store when I heard I could get thinner there.
Were you smart enough to go for a run?
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Thu Dec 13, 2012 4:47 pm

If I run, I have to do it early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm really doing.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Iliander on Thu Dec 13, 2012 4:49 pm

Bored of running? Tired of running? Never liked running? Try HINDU SQUATS! :mrgreen:
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Thu Dec 13, 2012 4:56 pm

How much grass could an ass to grass squatter squat if an ass to grass squatter could squat grass?
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Iliander on Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:01 pm

Dave.cyco wrote:How much grass could an ass to grass squatter squat if an ass to grass squatter could squat grass?
Depends entirely on the definition of the final "grass."
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Cesar on Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:03 pm

lol...someone is really bored
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:07 pm

Yeah, and I have free time. Post your clean jokes in this thread, no matter how bad or punny.


Last edited by Dave.cyco on Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:08 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Punny, get it? Ha. haha. ha.)
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:07 pm

I'm inclined to be laid back.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Iliander on Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:08 pm

Dave.cyco wrote:I'm inclined to be laid back.
Decline push-ups are harder than incline push-ups. But they give better results.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by itlives on Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:46 pm

The difference between against the law and illegal?

One will land you in jail.
The other is...........a sick bird :bolt:
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Thu Dec 13, 2012 7:15 pm

Haha! :D

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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Thu Dec 13, 2012 7:16 pm

How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't... you get down off a duck!
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Tue Jan 01, 2013 6:54 am

If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out "Hi Jack"!
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Re: Did you know?

Post by itlives on Wed Jan 02, 2013 10:52 am

This is called "Yiddish kop

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $1.2 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 Celsius.


Confronted with the same problem, the Israelis used a pencil.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by CheesedogTheFirst on Thu Jan 03, 2013 12:45 am

itlives wrote:This is called "Yiddish kop

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $1.2 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 Celsius.


Confronted with the same problem, the Israelis used a pencil.

I heard the same story except it was the Russians instead of the Israelis.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by squatty on Thu Jan 03, 2013 3:10 am

This thread is HILARIOUS!
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Thu Jan 03, 2013 3:32 am

Glad you like it. :) I'd keep it going if I could - I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes, sorry.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Journeyman on Thu Jan 03, 2013 4:23 am

^ That one reminds me.

A guy goes to the doctor, he's worried something might be wrong with him. After a few minutes' examination, the doc steps outside for a minute then returns with the official diagnosis.
"Well, I'm afraid I have some bad news," he says to the patient. "You have AIDS, and short term memory loss."
"Well," the patient quips, "at least I don't have AIDS!"


...Yes, aids is no laughing/joking matter, but I've always liked that one.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Journeyman on Thu Jan 03, 2013 4:24 am



'lame pun raccoon', one of the best memes ever.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Rastaman on Thu Jan 03, 2013 4:39 am

One day I was sitting in the park wondering to myself why frisbees seem to grow larger...

then it hit me.
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Alexandra on Thu Jan 03, 2013 6:45 pm

Dave.cyco wrote:In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.


LoL ... that's a good one.

I'm always reminded of the quote attributed to Ben Franklin when one talks about voting and governments ... when asked after the close of the 1787 Continental Congressional Convention what kind of government we had he said, “A Republic, if you can keep it.” :)

-- Alexandra
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Dave on Thu Jan 03, 2013 6:50 pm

Another satisfied taxpayer wrote:To: Internal Revenue Service, Department of the Treasury Washington, DC 20001

Enclosed is my 2003 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from USA Today archives. In the article, you will note that the Pentagon paid $171.50 each for hammers and NASA paid $600.00 each for toilet seats.

Please find enclosed in this package four toilet seats (value $2,400.00) and six hammers (value $1,029.00). This is in payment for my total tax due of $3,429.00.

Out of a sense of patriotic duty, and to assist in the political purification of our government, I am also enclosing a 1.5 inch Phillips head screw, for which HUD duly recorded and approved a purchase value of $22.00, as my contribution to fulfill the Presidential Election Fund option on Form 1040.

It has been a pleasure to pay my taxes this year, and I look forward to paying them again next year in accordance with officially established government values.

Sincerely,
Another satisfied taxpayer
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Re: Did you know?

Post by Journeyman on Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:01 pm

Another good one for puns:

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Dying Wish

Post by Dave on Fri Jan 11, 2013 1:44 am

An old priest lay dying. He sent a message for an IRS agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the priest held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The priest grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the priest had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the lawyer asked: "Father, why did you ask the two of us to come here?"

The old priest mustered all his strength, and then said weakly: "Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I’d like to go."
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Re: Did you know?

Post by MF! on Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:05 am

best i can do for now...

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Re: Did you know?

Post by MF! on Fri Jan 11, 2013 3:10 am

ok i lied



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Re: Did you know?

Post by Iliander on Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:21 pm

lol just found this:

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Re: Did you know?

Post by daratmastah on Tue Jan 29, 2013 8:52 am

The sheriff walked into the saloon, narrowing his eyes at the unsavory inhabitants. Several got up and sauntered out as he passed them on the way to the bar.

"What can I do for ya, sheriff?" the bartender asked.

"I'm looking for a man who goes by the name of Brown Paper Jack," The sheriff replied.

"Well what does he look like, sheriff?" One of the men in the saloon called out.

"Well, last anyone saw he was wearing brown paper pants, a brown paper shirt, a brown paper vest, and a brown paper hat," The sheriff said.

"What's he wanted for, sheriff?" another man called out.

"Rustlin'!"
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Re: Did you know?

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